February 20, 2010 – Challenging time for insomnia

I thought after a strong bike ride and full day that I would fall into a deep sleep last night.  Not so.  I guess insomnia will be a way of life until chemo starts up again.  I’ve decided not to fight it.  I’ll sleep when I can and be sure not to tire myself out.  My body is in an unconventional state and I can’t expect conventional solutions to work.  Like stomach, like sleep.  I’m going to ask the doctors whether insomnia is common late in the chemo cycle.  Then again, I’m one for the less common side effects.

Sent my friend Rozzy a reply to her email and decided to include it here.  Sums up much of what I’m feeling.  Rozzy is a spiritual woman, so she brings that piece of me out:

“Cancer is a test of faith.  I believe that God put challenges in front of me when I am ready for them whether or not I think I am ready.  My perspective has been altered by this disease in a positive way.  I am so much more into the moment than ever, humbled by and grateful of all the wonders in my life, and able to face adversity with a grace and courage I never knew I had (but hoped I would.)

Please don't feel sorry for me.  I don't feel sorry for me.  Life is a package deal.  We get our blessings and we get our challenges.  That is a comforting balance.  Cancer teaches and cancer gives while it takes.  I firmly believe that I will be a better human being because of this experience.  I will have something of value to share.  My dear cousins Arlene and Betsy have fought and are fighting this disease.  They are my heroes and my guides.  I hope that when I come out the other side, I will serve others as well as they have helped me.

One thing about cancer, you feel the love and support of family and friends in a unique way.  That is an indescribable blessing.

My faith tells me that in the end this whole experience will be a gift.”

Busy day today – Dan & Adam are here for the weekend, my sister Renee plans to visit this afternoon.

Hey – I’m finally getting the benefit of chemo.  I wrote about my smooth shave yesterday.  Well, my head is still baby bottom soft!  This morning, I discovered another bonus.  My wild and wooly eyebrows don’t need trimming and I can pluck them oh so easily with my fingers!  Wonders never cease!

I had my first outing since the start of chemo.  Ann, Dan, & I had lunch at El Basha on Park Avenue, fine Lebanese food.  Usually, we just go there for dinner.  Dan & I ordered falafel sandwiches ($5.00) and for another $5.00 they added an El Morocco salad (full size) and a bowl of lentil soup.  Ok, easily two meals for me, so I saved the soup for supper.  After lunch, we went to Big Y to pick up a few groceries.  Yeah, big fun in the big city!  Yeehah!

Love…

Richard