Alien on my tongue

January 16, 2010

To use Ben's terminology (didn't think you'd mind), I have an alien growing on the back of my tongue.  Some might all it a growth (isn't growth good?) or a nodule.  I've had a sore throat for three of four weeks.  After about two weeks, I saw Deb, our primary care physician.  She couldn't see anything on my throat, but did a culture and everything seemed ok.  After another week, I was scheduled with an ENT specialist.

Deb's referrals are top notch.  In this case, the ENT is very capable, but lacks, shall we say, a warm personality.  I imagine he needs to detach himself from his patients to be able to his job.  He took a gander down my mouth and spotted the alien immediately.  "Didn't you know it was there?  You knew it was there."  Well, my throat was sore and swallowing feels like I regrew a mini-tonsil, but my tongue?  The ENT says it's "way" above my voice box which is "good".  Anyway, his comment made it all real.  The ENT feels that the alien is likely malignant, but we won't know for sure until a biopsy is performed. Luckily, the biopsy is scheduled for 6:45 am this Monday, so we'll have a better idea what I'm facing on Wednesday or Thursday.  A cat scan and an MRI are on the agenda.

MY PARENTS DO NOT KNOW.  Not that I expect all y'all to pick up your phones and call them, but we think it's best to wait and tell them once we have more information.  They will want immediate answers to unanswerable questions.  By mid-week, we'll have enough answers in place.  I hope.  When we know more, Ann or I will let you know. [Note: they know now, told them once we had a specific diagnosis. Not so surprisingly, they’d figured out something serious was going on.] 

Today, we drove into Cambridge and told older son Dan.  That was hard. Then, Ann Dan & I went out to eat at one of our favorite places, an Irish pub in a historic Inman Square building.  Dan didn't touch a bite of his food. He's coming in (taking a personal day at work) on Monday to sit with Ann during the biopsy.  I told him that wasn't necessary, that the biopsy is akin to having a tooth pulled under general.  It's out patient at a surgical center not in the hospital (much better atmosphere.)  Then again, I never miss one of my parents' tests.  Younger son Adams is out in Colorado.  We just told him by phone.  You know, now I'm more worried about my sons than anything else. Now I know what was like for my Dad to give me similar news.  Life is education.

I can bank on Dad's experience in facing the alien.  And I can bank on Ben - thanks, Ben for sharing your thoughts step by step.  We can compare scars in October.  Appreciate any zooms, prayers, candles, karma, thoughts, jokes, etc. sent my way.  Will let you know when I know.  We'll take each step as it comes.  Life is an adventure.

I probably won't be answering email.  But I wanted you to know.  I'm a little scared, but life has taught me that there are positive and negative aspects of every emotion.  My body is telling me to rev up and get ready to fight.  I plan on riding my bike every morning as usual until the meds suggest a break.  Thanks for listening, for being part of my life, and being you...

Love,

Richard