I had another fine night’s sleep. Woke up around 8:30 am in my current morning punk funk. I feel great in the afternoon and evenings. I know I’ll feel better as the day progresses. Just got to get there, to figure out the route. Slogans work for me. So I kept telling myself “Keep Busy” and “Push on Through.” I had a Boost with my first handful of meds then did my email and web sites check. There was miscellaneous household picking up and putting away to do. I found the cables that I’ll need to transfer the data from Ann’s old computer to her new one. Checked my list of phone calls and made the first two on the list.
My body felt different today, so I spent a little while listening to it. My stomach was crying for food, but more of a snack. Instead of making a double portion of Cream of Wheat, I toasted a piece of white bread and covered it with blackberry jam. It hurt to eat the toast; had to find the less damaged areas of the mouth to chew and swallow. Took a long time to get that slice down. My reward was a swig of Magic Mouthwash, a totally numb mouth. Today, my body said “take a morning nap.” Rudy & I hunkered down on the couch and fell into deep sleep. An hour or so later, the phone rang. I woke feeling pretty good. I’ve only felt better as the day has moved on.
Keeping busy! Ann was ready to set up her new computer. One of my favorite computer acronyms is NASAIS – not as simple as it seems. Generally setting a new Mac and transferring data from the old machine is a breeze. Today had a big curveball, which really was good for me. Computers don’t frustrate me. They give me high level puzzles to solve. I had to call Apple on this one. Ann’s MacBook does not have a firewire port (transferring the data is the only time she’d ever need it), so we had use Ethernet. There is a glitch with the automatic transfer, so had to set up the machine, download and install the OS updates, and then manually transfer the data. It’s still chugging. I’m like a cook, smelling the broth now and again. It will feel good when the new machine is up and churning. The new MacBook is an elegant little box.
Mouth sores have fuzzy logic. Each round of chemo, I’ve had one that is perfectly placed for pain. This cycle, the sore sits a little below my lower lip where my front teeth normally rest. It’s in a can’t miss zone. This too shall pass!
Tonight, I’ll again go to sleep with positive thoughts about the morning. In the morning, I’ll see where I am. If it’s bumpy, I keep busy. I do know that one of these mornings, I will wake up and feel up, ready for the day. Until then, I work the moment. Cancer has many lessons to teach me.
Thanks for your support and for here being with me.
Love…
Richard
It’s sort of like a particularly hard Iowa winter: You know it will pass, you just don’t know when. I have several friends with acreages. There’s always stuff to do in the winter, it’s always outside and it always hurts, because it’s too cold to be outside. Sometimes it seems to drag, the winter does, but the chores, the animals and the incredibly scary drive to the faraway grocery store keep your mind focused and, somehow the winter passes and there are a few warm days in a row. There’s the melt and the mud. Then it snows again. More melt, more mud. It gets a little bet. Then one day it’s a lot better. Then it’s spring; time to plant, lots to do, lots to keep you busy. It’s a good life. You think back over that awful winter, look at the photos of the snow piled up six feet on either side of the driveway. You remember it was bad, really bad, but you don’t remember exactly how it felt. And you begin to tell yourself that it was bad, sure it was … but, not all that bad … not really.
ReplyDeleteI can read the melting in your words. You’re getting better. One day, you’ll be a lot better. On that day, we will celebrate the fact that we can get through pretty much anything, even a particularly hard Iowa winter. And even this.
Iowa Winter - what a charming and apt metaphor. I'll read these words in the blue morning. BeJae, these messages are incredible gifts. They get me through the hard hours.
ReplyDeleteI'll dream of celebrating tonight!