I felt good, fatigued but good, when I went to sleep last night. Felt good while sleeping and during my pee breaks. Woke up around 8:00 am, got out of bed, and felt punky (this does not mean ready to go a Clash concert in 1979; that is good punky.) I was lightheaded, weak, and able to eat only part of a bowl of Cream of Wheat and drink a Boost. I hit the couch and moved in and out of naps.
I was concerned that my blood numbers might not be bouncing back. I felt flushed and wondered if I was running a fever. Made a phone call to Dr.S.’s office and made an appointment to see a NP, have blood drawn, and get hydration at 2:00 pm.
Adam and I watched TV and talked until Ann returned home from seeing patients. Ad went to workout at a local gym while Ann took a look at me. She noticed my flush, but the thermometer did not show a fever. Ann asked me how much I was drinking, which was not a lot, and sat bottles of water in front of me and encouraged me to drink. Adam returned home. We each had our own version of lunch, for me a Boost. After lunch, Adam worked on his laundry and began packing for his trip back to Boulder.
I’m still in the midst of the peak working side effects of the chemo cocktail. My mouth has more sores and my cheeks have increased pitting. My gums are very sensitive. I know one day I will wake up and the process will reverse. Until then, I hunker down and deal with it an hour at a time. The stay in the hospital has impeded the healing process.
Ann & I went to Dr. S.’s office and met with the NP. I had my port accessed, blood was drawn, and hydration hooked up. Adam joined us; the three of us sat around and talked. This wasn’t too fun a Spring Break for Adam. He knew he was coming during the hard week of the chemo cycle. The hospital stay and its aftermath got in the way of a family weekend. We did get to spend a lot of the days together. It was nice that he & Dan had some time with each other.
The NP came back with my blood numbers, which showed significant improvement over yesterday. The hydration ran its course and gave me a boost. A nurse deactivated my port and we headed home.
The first Passover Seder is tonight. Ann decided that she didn’t want to leave me here alone (a good idea.) Adam drove my parents to Lynn & Alan’s home for the Seder in their car. After the Seder, Adam will drive into Boston with Dan, and catch his flight to Colorado in the morning. Someone will drive my parents and the car home after the Seder. It will all work out. I’m sad to miss the Family Seder and this is the first one in several years that my parents have been healthy enough to attend. Every Seder, I look around the table and think about the faces there and not there. Seders mark the years. This year, it's my turn to be a face not around the table. My job is to get healthy. Tonight, I’ll be grateful for all gifts in my life and know that the Family Seder awaits me next year.
I haven’t been up for returning emails. In a few days, typing will get easier and I’ll get back in the swing. Thanks all for your support, love, and good wishes. They really help on days like today.
Love…
Richard
Good wishes.... Always....
ReplyDeletehope you rest and recover.hope the worst is over,and that tomorrow is a better day.
ReplyDeleteI don’t know very much about Seder, but I read that it symbolizes sacrifice and hardship. (Of course, it’s much more complicated than that.) Even though it is a remembrance of historical hardship, it seems like it might also remind us of our own hardships, things like mouth sores and nausea and being separated from our loved ones during important rituals. So many of us have ease through most of our years. But, none of us is exempt from pain and sacrifice.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know how much I appreciate your devotion to all of us symbolized by the sharing of this experience through your writing. The more we can understand about other people’s struggles, the more enlightened we are about our own. And we will all have them. We will all have our years of being missing from the table.
I’m sure that being with you is exactly the spring break that Dan and Adam wanted and needed. It’s no vacation this year (I’m sorry, but hospital vacations just do not count, they don’t, no), but it is one of the most valuable learning experiences they will ever have. To see someone meet hardship with patience, humor and grace is a very meaningful experience for all of us. To taste the salt water and the bitter herbs and to still smile in gratitude for the goodness of life is the most important lesson of all. Your sons are fine, good men. They will be even better for this. We all will.
I hope that you will nap and heal and bask in the love of your family and friends. We bask in yours.
Thanks Laura, Nancy, and BeJae - feels so good to have you hear with me!
ReplyDeleteBeJae - when I feel stronger, I gotta riff off your words. We'll have to do a spokenword venue sometime. Your lyrics must be on fire! Love you!
ReplyDelete