Fatigue is cumulative with chemo. Each cycle, I’ve been more tired than the one before. This third cycle, even given the busy schedules of Monday and Tuesday, the fatigue is deeper.
Adam arrived last night and has had the entertainment of watching me nap most of the day. I’ve briefly answered a few emails and spent a little while surfing the web, trying to keep busy instead of sleep. I’d like to read, but lack the concentration. The couch ends up having too much of an allure. I lie down and Rudy Dog assumes the nap position.
My mouth is being impacted by the chemo. The pitting and sores have established growing beachheads and my taste buds are shot. I’ve been drinking Boost and eating soft food, but it finally occurred to me to take the pain med this afternoon. I’m not too smart about the pain meds. I wait too long to start and then have catch up with the pain control. Gee, maybe I’ll be able to eat scrambled eggbeaters, toast, and a veggie burger once the meds kick in.
This is a day of rest. Tomorrow morning, Ann & Adam & I will drive to Dana Farber for my mid-chemo checkup. I’ll have a break after that. My next appointments (well, as of today) are not until April.
Radiation sounds like a tough road. I understand they have to cover every conceivable side effect, but the list is a long one. Thankfully, the list of meds available to counter the side effects is even longer.
The radiation will be delicate because of the contents of the mouth, throat, and neck (saliva glands, voice box, taste buds, swallow muscles, and a bunch more that the nurse listed as I tried to stay awake. Don't worry - Ann took notes!) I know the radiation will present many challenges. My task is to meet them one at a time as they arrive, not to think about what's next. It may all be easier than I think. I'm not planning for the worst, or the best, just planning on keeping my focus on the day, on now. Thirty-five radiation sessions; I’ll mark them off on a calendar, my countdown to freedom.
Thanks all for the surprises in the mail, for your love and support. Especially on a week like this, you elevate my spirits and keep looking forward.
Love…
Richard
Ah, but remember: The couch is your friend … For now, anyway. You’ll have so much time to be busy and productive after all your treatments are over. You may never again have long days of sleeping on the couch with a snuggly, sweet dog. I say go with it … Of course, I’m pretty much of a slacker myself and feel compelled to recommend lying around to all you energetic, over-achiever types. I know you’re afraid that, if you allow yourself to give in to the lying around and sleeping all day, it will claim you for good. It won’t. I promise, it won’t. I’ve been working on Jackie (another over-achiever) for twenty years now. Every once in a while I can talk her into lazing around … but, it doesn’t claim her … and it won’t claim you. Go with it. Just for now. It may be your only chance to experience true laziness … which I find completely blissful. Think of it as a creative activity. You’ll be in and out of sleep, which means you will remember more dreams. (Have you noticed if the chemo affects your dreams?) So, pursue laziness as a goal during these high fatigue days. Think of lying on the couch keeping Rudy good company as your job. Get busy, Fox.
ReplyDeleteLove you, cupcake. Are you asleep yet?
Oh yes, the couch is my friend. And Rudy Dog understands that I'm ill. Soon as I lie down, he settles into the crook of my arm and we drift off into dreamland. Don't know If I remember my dreams more vividly than usual. When I was working long hours & days, I yearned for a break in the action, a break highlighted by a daily nap. Little did I know! Not worried about getting back in the flow of work. This experience is making me tougher, more able to face tough challenges. Looking forward to getting my life back.
ReplyDeleteThere is a surreal quality about my naps this cycle. They are so deep and when I wake it's gradual like I'm slowly stretching from a fetal ball into a standing position, disc by disc.
I'm staying busy. Naps are an excellent chore. No appointments until April 8th - a vacation!
Love you, too! You are the icing on many lives!