March 11, 2010 – Truce with morning blues

Post hospital vacation, I’ve woken up with a serious case of the blues.  Like everything else during chemo, it’s an unconventional blues, one in a foreign language.  If I were to sing it (now there’s a really scary thought), it would be in the key of C# minor.  I can’t find this blues on any color map.

I just feel it, the combination of fatigue and emotional release, of the slow bounce from nadir point to hunger.  I feel it.  I can’t let it control my day.

So, I have devised a truce with the morning blues.  I wake up and wash up, muddle into the kitchen to grab a vanilla Boost that I drink while checking my email and favorite sites.  At this point, I want nothing more than to lie down and let the blues shake me back to sleep, sleep at this point I need less than activity.  Instead, I keep busy.  This morning I wrote for while, made a double portion of Cream of Wheat and let it cool while I emptied the dishwasher.  I ate my Cream of Wheat and the blues faded.  I leashed Rudy and Lacey Dog up and we took a walk.  We were going at a nice pace until it started to rain on the loop back home.  Lacey Dog, she loves the light rain and slowed to smell each clover (well, not clover, but let’s say it was.)  She and I had a conversation about our walking pace and she agreed to pick it back up.  We returned home and I laid down for a power nap.  I rested for twenty minutes or so, but even with the excellent help of Rudy Dog snuggled into the crook of my arm, I didn’t sleep.  I felt a little tired, but not fatigued.  Ann arrived home from work; naptime was over.

After lunch, we headed over to Dr. S.’s office.  First Dr. S. examined the lesion on my hip, which he now terms a “big pimple.”  I love medspeak.  He decided to drain it and send the puss out to be cultured.  As he thought, with white blood cell count up, the pimple had grown significantly.  A little cut with small scalpel, a little gathering of liquid, a bit of expression, and it was done.  It looked much better.   Then, we went to the infusion room and I got a liter of fluid to perk me up a bit.   Fluids are a big help in my recovery from the hospital vacation.   And I especially want to feel good for tomorrow and the weekend.

Tomorrow, we’re going to Chatham on Cape Cod for a three-day break.  Cancer took away our February vacation; this will be a nice pause in midst of the treatments.  On the way to the Inn, we’ll meet up with Lynne & Alan for lunch.  The weather is predicted as rainy and windy, but the weather on the Cape is volatile.  Hopefully, we’ll have clear skies for a couple of beach walks.  At the very least, we can sit front of the roaring fireplace in the lounge.  I’m really happy that Ann will get this change of pace.

Deb just dropped by with butternut squash soup with pureed organic vegetables, a real treat – thanks, Deb!

Congrats on your book being published, Rozzy!  You go, woman!

I feel a good kind of tired tonight, tired not fatigued.  Thanks everyone for your support and kind wishes.

Love…

Richard