Had a good session with psychologist D. Got to examine what’s been going on in my mind, as far as emotions and attitude. One concept I carry from our discourse is how to approach what I’m thinking and feeling. When I interpret what my body is telling me (physically) about my digestive system, I do so with the understanding that my body is no longer conventional. I am dealing with a body that has endured three cycles of powerful chemotherapy. When trying to come to grips with my feelings and attitudes, I treat myself no differently than my pre-cancer treatment self. It’s important that I understand that my mind is no longer conventional, too. Between the chemo agents and all the medications I’ve ingested, my emotions and attitudes are reeling and still seeking equilibrium. Once radiation starts, my body and mind will be facing new challenges. Again, I will have to learn the new language(s) that they are speaking. Being gentle and patient with myself will be important. It will be all new, though the adjustments to chemo will serve as a foundation to dealing with my radiated self.
Last night, I had my first insomnia night of this third chemo cycle, which technically ends today. Whoopee! I had really strange dreams during my intermittent sleep periods. Should have written them down. I can remember two: being in an institutional building (medical, business?) with odd corridors and elevators that had a food court like area that included shops and an open theater. A weird play about Jewish doctors was scheduled to open and I discovered that BeJae was one of the co-writers. I kept looking around for a placard with her name on it so I could snap a photo and email it to her. But, as happens in dreams, the placards kept shifting and moving as I pulled out my iPhone. I was thinking what a surprise and I found it first! The second dream, recurring, was that I was late for my dental appointment today. Each occurrence, the time, the reason I was delayed, and the cast of characters were different. I guess I was worried that my insomnia would keep me in bed too long. Ha! I have a 57-year-old prostate that guarantees I will not oversleep!
So, I did get up on time, 8:00 am for a 10:00 am appointment. Had a bowl of Cream of Wheat and a Boost for breakfast and did my usual morning things. I left the house in plenty of time and drove over to Jeffrey’s office (my dentist and a family friend who is family.)
When I first talked with the medical team at Dana Farber, they went under the assumption that I didn’t know my dentist’s name. Apparently, a lot of people don’t enjoy going to the dentist. I’m not one of them. Ann laughed at the Dana Farber team and said that not only did we know our dentist’s name; we knew his grandchildren’s names. After my examination, the team complimented Dr. Jeffrey’s fine work on my teeth and gums. It wasn’t what they were expecting.
Jeff wanted to look at my mouth post-chemo and pre-radiation. There are options for dental self-care during radiation treatments and he wanted to confirm his earlier plan. My mouth looks good considering the three cycles of chemo. Jeff finalized a few details on my daily care and gave me some supplies to get me started.
As I said, I enjoy my visits to the dentist. The music is always good and the conversation mighty fine. Jeff and I often swap albums; looking for tunes that other might like and may not have heard. Today was no exception. Jeff’s lovely wife Nancy arrived just as my dental exam was finished, bringing a copy of Angus & Julia Stone’s Down The Way (I have more commute to Boston music!) and a sweet card. The card is our windowsill along with the all the cards sent by friends and family. It’s a way you’re all here in the room with me.
I returned home and had a few chores (for work and home) to do. Then I settled down for a power nap. Ann came home and said hello, but I didn’t wake for another hour. Guess I needed the sleep! Spent the afternoon outside with doggies in the 80F degree sunshine and inside catching up on email.
Tomorrow morning, I go to Dana Farber for a CT/PET scan. That data will be used in planning my radiation treatment. It will also define the impact of my chemotherapy (especially curious about the primary tumor.) I need to drink two bottles of water, but cannot eat or drink anything else. Have to be there by 9:30 am, but given Boston traffic (and a fire in Boston today), I’m leaving the house at 7:30 am. I’ll bring a book and hope I’m early.
Thanks everyone for your emails and messages. I’m grateful all y’all are in my life and are here supporting and comforting me on this journey.
Love…
Richard
Wishing you well with your Pet Scan tomorrow.... Postive thinking coming your way!
ReplyDeleteI’m so thrilled to have turned up in one of your dreams … as a writer, no less. I’m familiar with the shifting placard phenomenon in dreams. I used to have frequent dreams about trying to get to gigs at shifting locations through shifting streets. I’d finally get to the location hours late, set up and begin to play only to discover that I didn’t actually know any of the songs on the set list. I’d try to fake them, which never turned out very well. In one of the dreams, the set list was written in symbols instead of words. I’d made up the symbols and then forgotten what they meant. (That doesn’t actually sound all that far-fetched.) These are the anxiety dreams.
ReplyDeleteI’ve always had very good relationships with dentists, even moving around and having to find new ones. I always seem to luck out. I’ve never known their family members’ names though. I’ve got an appointment with my new Columbus guy in June. I’m gonna ask him personal questions about himself. He’ll say, “You need another crown.” I’ll say, “Do you have kids? What are their names?”
I’m so eager to hear the results of the scans you’re having tomorrow. I’ve got a feeling that the Alien is on the run and will be finished off in the sci-fi radiation room. (Remember, you kind of liked it with all of its odd gadgets.) Thank you so much for keeping us up to date on all the developments. It means more to me than I can tell you. I look forward to your posts every day. I think that all of your unconventionals are amazing, your physical self, your mind, your attitudes, your feelings … You speak all the new languages beautifully.
Good luck with that Boston traffic.